Snippet Sunday

Here’s a snippet from the short story I just finished, “Red Wolves Never Lose.” (Sweet contemp. hopefully to go into a short story collection feauturing the Cincinnati Red Wolves baseball team). Let me know what you think…I’d love some feedback.

“Well, Muri, get me my doctor, and tell him to get me the hell out of here. Now!”
“Mr. Conrad, I’m sorry, but your doctor will just tell you the same thing. If you can’t even go to the bathroom without help, you’re stuck here until you can. So the Red Wolves will have to get along without you for a little while.”
Renee rolled her eyes. “They can’t get along without him. The Red Wolves are going to the playoffs and they can’t lose. They never lose. It’s their motto? ‘We refuse to lose?’”
“There’s always a first time,” I said. “Don’t worry, we’ll get you off your feet and out of bed soon.”
“Listen to the other lady,” Bert rasped. “She knows what she’s talking about. And the Red Wolves don’t get injured either. They play with broken legs and broken arms and even bad knees. I’ve got to get back to the team.”
“Mr. Conrad,” I said, unable to take him or Renee seriously. I didn’t know much about baseball, but I was aware that every team had some injured players and losses. No team was perfect. “I’m sure you want to get back with your team and no one wants that more than I do. But we have to follow the rules, as I’m sure you do in the game of baseball.”
“The Red Wolves are different,” Renee said.
I sent her a stern gaze that I hoped made her realize that I was the one in charge here. No way was I bending the rules just because Bert Conrad was a hot shot baseball player.

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10 responses to “Snippet Sunday

  1. I’m with the doctor here, what the hell, real player know that it’s better to get cured than to take the chance of getting hurt forever.

  2. Is there something here we don’t know about? Talking about wolves, even a sports team, makes me think paranormal.

  3. Thanks for stopping by. No, it’s ust that people mentioned copyright if I used the name of the real team, so that’s what I came up with. It’s all part of their charm…LOL

  4. Well, he could always check out AMA (Against Medical Advice). Of course, insurance usually refuses to pay for the stay and treatment if you do that.

    A typo that caught my eye: “Don’t worry, we’ll get you OFF your feet..” I think you mean “on”?

    Great set up of personalities and conflict!

  5. historysleuth1

    Ah, the guy who thinks he’s irreplaceable. What team doesn’t have one of those? I see her butting heads with Renee. 🙂 Conflict always adds to the story.
    History Sleuth’s Milk Carton Murders

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