Snippet Sunday 4/6–Jay’s dog again

We’re back to “More Than Just a Dog,” which Vi and I finished last night.
In this snippet, Jay is waiting to see what happens when Nan sees her ex-employee…
She’s staring at a red car in the parking lot, a Mini Cooper with a vanity plate that reads “Tabitha 1.” I remember Tabitha from the old “Bewitched” TV show, but I know that’s not the owner of that car.
“Well, this day is just getting better and better,” Nan says sarcastically. “Oh my God, Jay. What’s she doing here?”
“She” is Nan’s ex-employee who insulted her and got canned. She never told me what Tabitha said, but I’m guessing it wasn’t very nice. “She’s probably just here to pick up her last check or something. I would think she’d fly in on her broom, though.”
Nan starts to cry again, and I don’t know if it’s because of Bulldog or seeing Tabitha’s car or both. She hands me the fare, and an extra big tip.
“Are you sure?” I ask.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen when I go in there, but I’m sure about the tip.”
Any comments would be appreciated.

Advertisements

24 responses to “Snippet Sunday 4/6–Jay’s dog again

  1. I’m guessing that the tears are a little bit of both. Great snippet.

  2. Definitely–thanks for stopping by!

  3. I like the last line—Nan may be barely holding it together, but she’s still in there!

  4. I guess Nan’s crying because of the car. I how this is in present tense; it would be hard for me to write in that tense. Good snippet overall!

  5. I love the last line 🙂 Show how she can rise inspite of her personal problems.

  6. Telling snippet. Nice job!

  7. Hehe, I also always think of Bewitched when I see/hear the name Tabitha! 🙂 great snippet

  8. I too like using the “Bewitched” tie in….great snippet. I enjoyed!!

  9. Isn’t “Bewitched” a little dating? I seem to recall watching it more than 50 years ago.

  10. Thanks for commenting, Sueann–Jay is 42 and Nan 47, so they probably would have watched it or seen it in re-runs.

  11. Very good passage! Though the series was long before my time, it was still possible to see it syndicated in reruns.

    Present tense is something I’m a little wary of writing in, but it works here.

  12. The last line is good. She has class.

  13. Yes, she does, Elaine. Thanks for commenting.

  14. Nan is being so emotional, she is going to have a hard time.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: