Snippet Sunday 9/28–Payton is convincing

I finished this short story for my “Silver Dreidels” holiday collection–only one more story to go. Here’s the latest snippet–Payton is very convincing. This is really raw–just wrote some of it today. Any feedback is appreciated.
“So I’ve been thinking about this never taking a vacation thing,” Payton said. “You can’t spend the rest of your life reading about vacation spots in a book.”
She opened her mouth to object, but Payton reached out to touch her arm. “Maybe you could leave a little early one day and I’ll come and get you and we’ll go to the holiday festival in Rose View. That’s where I live, and it’s the off season for me. What do you say?”
She glanced over at Ivy, who was deep in conversation with Clint. “Well. I guess it couldn’t hurt to leave early.”
“Great. Does Friday work for you?”
“That sounds perfect.”


15 thoughts on “Snippet Sunday 9/28–Payton is convincing

  1. The only suggestion I have is use names more. Because you have two women talking, “she” becomes a little confusing, especially when you mention Ivy, too. Other than that, good snippet, Nancy. 🙂

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