Snippet Sunday 10/6–Playing hooky

Next installment in my short story collection. I finished the last story in the collection Thursday night and hopefully it will be available on Amazon soon. I had to do some editing on this one to get it to fit to the line limit. It’s also raw like the others. Thanks in advance for any feedback.

Holly actually felt like she was playing hooky when she left work early on Friday, as she’d promised Payton she would. She went home and relaxed. Payton picked her up at the appointed time, and they took off in his silver Lexus. On the way to Rose View, Payton told her about the small town, and how they had a holiday festival every year.
Holly fell in love with Rose View as soon as they arrived. She and Payton walked along, and she stopped at several of the booths that had been set up for the festival. Holly bought presents for her friends, but wasn’t sure what to get for Payton, or if she should get him anything at all.

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16 responses to “Snippet Sunday 10/6–Playing hooky

  1. You covered a lot of ground there in just a few lines. I read through it twice, and it just didn’t flow for me.
    Seemed a bit disjointed. Maybe it’s just because it’s a snippet out of context.
    Is this a transition scene between two other scenes of importance?

  2. And I have the wrong date on it, too–LOL. The snippet from last week was the end of the party where Holly and Payton meet and he convinces her to leave work early and go to a holiday festival with him. It picks up where she left work and went home. There are some lines describing her getting ready that I edited out for space reasons, and some lines I edited out (same reason) when they arrive in town (same reasons). They will be in the story when it’s published. Or not.

  3. you’ve packed a lot in this snippet, good work!

  4. I like that, but as it’s her first holiday in a while, maybe it would be better to have a full hand description for it. I mean I don’t care much about the car trip so one paragraph is fine, but it would be nice to have a visual of Rose view and know why Holly fell in love with it. Except of course if what comes next is super intense about the holiday part.

  5. First gifts for new friends are difficult, aren’t they? Especially when you (and maybe, possibly he) might want to be more than friends . . .

  6. Alot to take in one snippet. But still good. See ya next week.

  7. Karen Michelle Nutt

    First gifts are not easy. 🙂 I hope she decides to get something for Peyton. 🙂 Enjoyed the snippet.

  8. Good snippet. I think it would be more impact-full if we knew why she fell in love with Rose View. What did she see that spurned the L word. I want to see it too…

  9. You’ve captured the moment very well…

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