Snippet Sunday 3/1–getting hotter

My next snippet in “Fools Fall in Love.” I skipped ahead to Chapter Two. Malia is finding Carson harder to resist. And while I was editing, I found a POV switch, so I’ve changed it. Any feedback is much appreciated.

“Carson,” Malia said, coming out of her office to approach him at the table. Lord, he was hot in his navy and turquoise plaid shirt and dark jeans. The shirt was unbuttoned to reveal just a hint of his hairy chest. “It’s 4:30. You can go home.”
“I’m just staying late like you asked, boss. Besides, I just want to copy this last document.”
Carson ambled over to the copier and made the copy. Then he walked back to the table and shrugged into a leather jacket. Malia licked her lips, trying to remind herself of the no dating policy. Of course, that didn’t mean she couldn’t look. “Okay, I’m ready to go. Are you coming?”
“I’m going to stay a little longer and see how the traffic is. Did you sign out?”
“Yes, boss.”
“Good. And don’t call me ‘boss.’”
“But that’s what you are. I like to call people by their correct title.”
“Well, it makes me feel like some old guy. Or my mother. And she’s really your boss anyway.”
“Oh, believe me, you’re not…Never mind. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
Malia sighed and checked the weather and traffic on her Smart Phone. She planned to look on her computer, but suddenly, the power was out.

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19 responses to “Snippet Sunday 3/1–getting hotter

  1. I love the exchange about “don’t call me boss.”

  2. Oh! A black out seems like a pretty nice interruption.

  3. I had fun writing it, P.T. Thanks for reading.

  4. That’s where the fun starts, Linda. Thanks for commenting.

  5. chellecordero

    I sure hope he didn’t get too far away after saying Goodnight before the lights went out – it would be great to have a nice hunky guy to keep a gal company in the dark.

  6. It sure would, Chelle! Thanks for commenting!

  7. They seem to have an interesting dynamic already, Nancy—this snippet flows really well! 🙂

  8. Thanks for commenting, Sarah. They’re fun to write about.

  9. siobhanmuir

    Nicely done, Nancy. The last line, “but suddenly the power was out.” I’d change to “suddenly, the power went out”. 🙂

  10. Thanks for commenting, Siobhan–and I made the change.

  11. I like these two together! Curious to see where you take them.

  12. Very effective interaction between your characters.

  13. Oh, shit, I hope he didn’t get too far. Also I can’t wait to see how he really feels about her. The, “Oh, believe me, you’re not…Never mind. Goodnight.” tells me he might have a thing for her. 🙂

  14. Great dialogue … well done.

  15. Thanks, Iris, glad you liked it.

  16. Lights out?? I think something is going to happen….;) Great snippet Nancy.

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