Snippet Sunday, 6/20/15, “Taming Toby,” Happy Father’s Day

This has been a crazy week. My mom went into the hospital on Wednesday, but is back at the nursing home as of yesterday. Like I said, it was crazy and scary and all kinds of moments in between. I thank everyone for their support. Since today is Father’s Day, I’ve skipped ahead in Toby and Jamie’s story to the scene where we meet Toby’s dad, Arnie Michaelson, for the first time. This is really raw because I really just finished this scene, which I dedicate this to my dad, Charles Goldberg, who passed away March 30, 2014. Happy Father’s Day, Dad!
I’m not sure about the cat’s name. His name was Pouncer in the original version, but I’m just not feeling it. Any comments on the snippet and cat name suggestions would be appreciated.
Between watching Pouncer, looking for more abandoned animals and trying not to think about the off-limits Jamie Morgan, Toby stopped by his dad’s double wide manufactured home. His dad, Arnie, lounged comfortably on an over-stuffed faux leather sofa watching TV. His sister, red-headed Zoe, offered Arnie some homemade fudge.
Toby swiped a piece of Zoe’s fudge, too, thinking of Jamie’s voice when she said she wanted to adopt the rescued kitten.
“Hey!” Zoe said, when a commercial came on. “I made that for me and dad!”
“Sorry, sis, but I love your fudge. Besides, I need it. I met someone tonight.”
Zoe green eyes scrutinized him with sixteen-year-old curiosity. “Really?”
Toby reached for another piece of chocolate fudge, smacking his lips appreciatively as he ate it in a couple of bites. “Don’t you think your decrepit old brother is capable of meeting an eligible young lady?”
Zoe and her dad reached for the last piece of chocolate goodness at the same time. She let Arnie have it. “You don’t have time for love.”
“For Jamie Morgan, I’d make time.”

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15 responses to “Snippet Sunday, 6/20/15, “Taming Toby,” Happy Father’s Day

  1. Hi Nancy! I like your snippet. And now I’m hungry for fudge. Sorry to hear that your mother gave you a scare but hope all is well now.

    • Thanks, Maddie–so good to hear from you and thanks for the good wishes about my mom. Lem, my computer, is being persnickety today so I’m sending the message this way. I’m glad you liked the snippet–I’ve been reading a book with a heroine who owns a candy shop (Love Gone South collection by Alicia Harper Pace) and I’ve been craving fudge. Plus, Zoe likes to cook.

  2. Lovely snippet … and what a beautiful last line. That’s how it’s supposed to be 🙂

  3. Oh come on! Everybody has time for love!

  4. Love that last line. Nice snippet. Though the mention of the fudge just made me hungry…

  5. Very sweet snippet–even without the fudge! 😀

  6. I loved the interaction between the brother and sister. He has it bad for Jamie, doesn’t he?

  7. Love the last line, and Toby stealing the fudge. Made me miss my dad and his dad though — they both made awesome fudge.

  8. Mmm, now I want some peanutbutter fudge too. Evil… just evil.

    Cat names… you probably don’t want suggestions from me. We’ve had some doozies over the years, such as Ishkabibel (It’s actually Yiddish for ‘What? I should care?’), JuJuBee, Flufflepuff, Asmodean, Creamsicle, Stimpy, Charity, Taliestra…

    Thing is, cats do seem to respond best to names that end on a higher pitch than a low one. So “Pouncer” with that -er sound at the end probably wouldn’t work well unless the person saying it always had a faked smile (to reshape the mouth enough to raise the pitch). Now if it’s a long-haired beautiful female cat, perhaps ‘Genevieve’? Or if it’s male, ‘Darby’?

    Just some ideas…

    • Thanks for reading, Eden–I ended up buying some fudge–I would have made some but the store was getting ready for inventory and out of some of the ingredients I needed. I love the cat names and am adding them to my list. I’m leaning toward Smokey Joe, but I like Ishkabibel (or Ish). In my short story, “My Short, Dark and Funny Valentine,” the heroine’s cat’s name is Darby Day (he’s named after a pitcher for the fictitious Cincinnati Reds, the Cincinnati Red Wolves).

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