Snippet Sunday, 7/5/15–“Mr. Tall, Tan…& Tasteless”–Makin’ whoopee (or not)

Here’s Snippet #2:

This week, I’ve been working on an update of “Mr. Tall, Tan…& Tasteless.” A lot of readers didn’t connect with the characters or the story in the first version. Not only am I correcting mistakes, I’m trying to get the readers to love Scotty and Lorrie as much as I do. So I’d really appreciate feedback on this. It’s the first 8 sentences of the prologue I’m adding. I’m pretty happy with the way this turned out, but I was happy with the first version of the book for a long time—LOL.
Prologue Cincinnati, Ohio New Year’s Eve 2012
The last day of the year was definitely the coldest, but Lorrie Galloway wasn’t dressed for warmth. Hugh, her fiancé, had told her he was planning to work at home on New Year’s Eve. Well, she had a surprise for him. Underneath her favorite navy blue and forest green tartan plaid swing coat, she wasn’t wearing much. She had on a black bustier and matching stockings she’d ordered from her favorite lingerie catalogue, Leg-intimate. Instead of practical boots, she wore ivory lace and leather heels with bows on them. Strains of Rod Stewart crooning What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve? echoed across the lobby of Hugh’s elegant downtown condo on Central Parkway across from the court house.
Lorrie smiled to herself at the thought of watching the New Year’s Eve celebration on Times Square snuggled next to Hugh in his king-sized bed. She couldn’t wait ’til she was married and she could make The Elsaesser-Forde Building her home, too. As she headed toward the elevator, however, the face of her brother’s best friend, Scotty, came to mind. He was tall with sandy hair and blue eyes that sparkled whenever he teased her. Lorrie had always liked him, but he was like her second brother.


Snippet Sunday, 7/5/15. #1 Taming Toby–Jamie’s kitty

Here’s snippet #1 for all you Toby and Jamie fans—we’re back in Jamie’s POV—she’s going to see Toby again and pick up her new kitten. I found a big mistake in last week’s snippet—Zoe’s age, so I’ll have to change it. Re-writes, re-writes…
I might have gone over here, but otherwise, it ended in a weird spot. Thanks in advance for your feedback!
Jamie returned to the floating vet clinic the next evening. After work she’d stopped at Blatt’s Food Emporium and gotten supplies she needed for a kitten. All the cat supplies were in the back of her car. She walked to Toby’s clinic where he was waiting on deck.
“He’s all ready for you,” Toby said. Jamie looked into his emerald eyes. She inhaled the scent of clean laundry and soap as she stepped closer to retrieve the feline. “Have you picked out a name yet?”
Jamie sighed and took the kitten from him, not missing the warmth when their hands touched. “No. I’m stuck. My great-grandma Ellie had a cat named Major Gregory and I thought about naming him that, but I also like Captain Ramage…”
“Another sea novel character?” Jamie nodded. Toby looked at the cat, and then at Jamie. “Maybe I can help. You can’t just call him ‘hey, you,’ right?”
“No.” She couldn’t help looking at Toby. She loved his auburn hair and the taut muscles that stretched across his tall frame. He wore a T-shirt that said “Immediate Pleasures,” jeans and brown work boots.