Snippet Sunday, 7/5/15–“Mr. Tall, Tan…& Tasteless”–Makin’ whoopee (or not)

Here’s Snippet #2:

This week, I’ve been working on an update of “Mr. Tall, Tan…& Tasteless.” A lot of readers didn’t connect with the characters or the story in the first version. Not only am I correcting mistakes, I’m trying to get the readers to love Scotty and Lorrie as much as I do. So I’d really appreciate feedback on this. It’s the first 8 sentences of the prologue I’m adding. I’m pretty happy with the way this turned out, but I was happy with the first version of the book for a long time—LOL.
Prologue Cincinnati, Ohio New Year’s Eve 2012
The last day of the year was definitely the coldest, but Lorrie Galloway wasn’t dressed for warmth. Hugh, her fiancé, had told her he was planning to work at home on New Year’s Eve. Well, she had a surprise for him. Underneath her favorite navy blue and forest green tartan plaid swing coat, she wasn’t wearing much. She had on a black bustier and matching stockings she’d ordered from her favorite lingerie catalogue, Leg-intimate. Instead of practical boots, she wore ivory lace and leather heels with bows on them. Strains of Rod Stewart crooning What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve? echoed across the lobby of Hugh’s elegant downtown condo on Central Parkway across from the court house.
Lorrie smiled to herself at the thought of watching the New Year’s Eve celebration on Times Square snuggled next to Hugh in his king-sized bed. She couldn’t wait ’til she was married and she could make The Elsaesser-Forde Building her home, too. As she headed toward the elevator, however, the face of her brother’s best friend, Scotty, came to mind. He was tall with sandy hair and blue eyes that sparkled whenever he teased her. Lorrie had always liked him, but he was like her second brother.

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8 responses to “Snippet Sunday, 7/5/15–“Mr. Tall, Tan…& Tasteless”–Makin’ whoopee (or not)

  1. Not good to be thinking of someone else while on your way to surprise your fiance with a romantic evening…

  2. Nope–but she doesn’t know what her fiance’s up to–yet.

    Thanks for commenting.

  3. I have a feeling she’d going to be the one who’s surprised when she get’s to the finance’s apartment? Interesting snippet!

  4. I wonder why she is thinking about Scott suddenly, are they going to stay stuck in the elevator?

  5. Now why is she thinking about someone else when she’s about to go surprise someone else? I get the feeling that’s a big red flag on what’s about to come. Foreshadowing anyone?

    I like the entrance and scene you’ve painted to start this out. I just have one question:
    How the heck do you pronounce “Elsaesser”? I’m tripping over my tongue on that one!

    • Thanks for reading Daelyn–you’re right about the red flag. (Her big brother, who says he’s psychic, should have seen this coming–LOL.
      Elsaesser is pronounced El-sasser (the e is silent). It’s my friend’s maiden name.

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