Snippet Sunday/8/30–New “Tasteless” prologue

Sorry I haven’t been around but I was busy working at the “job that ate my brain.” Haven’t done much writing, but have been going round and round about this prologue for the soon-to-be-updated “Mr. Tall, Tan…& Tasteless.” I think I’ve got it but I may end up deleting it if I decide it’s not needed. I like it, though. It’s short, written by a non POV character, and kind of funny.

Here are the first 8-10 lines (I think I went over). It’s very raw, but any feedback is appreciated…

“My life is over, Jay!”
My little sister, Lorrie, had asked me to pick her up at her fiance’s condo in the classy Elsaesser-Forde Building. As I made the short ride from Clifton to Hugh Warner’s condo, I’d worried about Lorrie’s call and why she didn’t think she could drive home by herself. Maybe she just didn’t want to be out with all the drunks on New Year’s Eve, but then, why had she gone to Hugh’s place at all?
Her brown hair is tousled and messy, and there are tears running down her cheeks. She has on her favorite navy blue and forest green Tartan plaid wool coat. She’s a shoe fanatic, but now isn’t the time to ask why she’d worn the impractical pair of beige high heels with bows on the coldest night of the year. I turn the heat up higher so she won’t freeze. Andy Williams is singing that it’s the most wonderful time of the year. From the look on Lorrie’s face as she cried, I knew that she didn’t think so.
“No, it’s not. You’ve got Hugh, and me and Scotty are…”
“I don’t have Hugh anymore. The engagement’s off. He cheated on me!”

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23 responses to “Snippet Sunday/8/30–New “Tasteless” prologue

  1. Crap. Both of them are having issues. This isn’t going to be a good holiday season. 😦 I enjoyed the snippet.

  2. Thanks for reading, Jennifer. Yep–not a happy holiday for the Galloways.

  3. I love his inner dialog worrying about her on the way to get her — and his realization that this was not the best time to ask about her footwear.

  4. Thanks for reading, P.T. I had fun writing–or re-writing that scene.

  5. A very realistic scene going on, enjoyed ‘reading’ his thoughts….great snippet!

  6. Dang! What a jerk of a man!

  7. That’s a great old way to start a new year. Poor girl.

  8. Wow, good for her that she is getting out of here.

  9. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Oh no, he cheated? No wonder she’s so upset. Great imagery. Realistic scene.

  10. Not how you’d like to start the new year. Great snippet!

  11. Oh, ouch, well that’s a slap in the face for the start of the New year. I love the added bit of the song playing on the radio. Oh irony.

  12. Thanks for reading, Daelyn–the thing with the song has happened to me a couple of times.

  13. Wow, cheated? Not a great way to start the New Year. 😦

  14. Very good. You set the scene very well, capturing the feel of winter. Also, the juxtaposition of the end of a relationship and the start of a new year is pretty neat.

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