Snippet Sunday, 9/26-27, “I Won’t Say I’m in Love”–Lorrie’s POV

More from “Mr. Tall, Tan…& Tasteless.” This is from Chapter One–the original story was in third person POV from Lorrie and Scotty’s POV with a few scenes in Jay’s POV. I got so much positive feedback from the prologue from Jay’s POV that I’m experimenting. This is from Lorrie’s POV, written in first person. Any feedback is appreciated–I’m liking the first person.

I should have known how Jay’s wedding day was going to go when I heard my brother singing “I’m Getting Married in the Morning” in the shower. He had a good voice, but his attempt at a British accent left a lot to be desired.
So now I’m sitting in the restroom of Nutsie Nan’s Café, waiting to go out to the reception hall where the whole crowd had heard me admit, not a mere fifteen minutes ago, that I’d always been in love with Jay’s best friend, Scotty.
Okay, it hadn’t been the whole crowd. Just my brother and his new bride, Reese, her maid of honor, who I disliked on sight, the other two bridesmaids, and Reese’s dad, who probably wondered what kind of mess his daughter had gotten into. And, of course, I’d blurted it out to Scotty.
“Lorrie?” Scotty’s sexy, and usually persuasive, voice came through the door. “Jay and Reese are waiting for you to make the first toast.”

Snippet Sunday, 9/20/15, End of the prologue

I know Hugh can’t hear me. He’s probably warm and cozy, sitting by his marble fireplace, counting his money. I holler at him anyway. “Y’know, you’re just lucky Lorrie stopped me from coming up there and punching in the nose, you SOB! Besides, I have to get back to work since I don’t have a trust fund! Some people have to work for a living.” And some of us work two jobs. I drive a cab for the Orient Cab Company, and in my spare time, play guitar and sing with my band, Jay & the Cincinnatians.
After my rant, I turn to Lorrie. She still has a few tears running down her face. “Do you want to go to the concert so the night won’t be a total loss?”
“Can you just take me home?”
I glance at my watch. I still have a few more hours before the concert starts and my band mates were setting up until I got back. “Sure, honey, but you shouldn’t be by yourself tonight. Y’know?”
“I’ll probably just go to bed early.”
“Okay. I love you, Sis.”
“I love you more.”
Her voice is shaky when she talks. I have the feeling it’ll be a long time before she’s back to “normal.”

Snippet Sunday, 9/13/15–Lorrie wants to be happy

Getting ready for the Jewish New Year, which starts Sunday night at sundown…here’s this week’s snippet, in Jay’s POV, which continues where last week’s left off. Any feedback is appreciated…
“Don’t worry about it. I’m going upstairs and tell Hugh Warner that…”
Lorrie looks me straight in the eye. “No. That’ll just make things worse. I’ll be okay.” She smiles, as if trying to convince herself, as well as me. “I should’ve seen the signs. Sometimes he really got on my nerves like if I cracked up over something you or Scotty said or if I sang too loud when I was at the condo. He hated it when I sang because he didn’t want the neighbors to hear. I may not have a voice like yours, but I am in the choir at church and I like to sing. And he said I couldn’t have a dog or a cat when we got married. Music and animals make me happy. Why wouldn’t Hugh want me to be happy?”
I let Lorrie vent as I look out the window and up at the luxury condos.

Snippet Sunday, 9/13/14, Lorrie wants to be happy

As I write this blog, I am getting ready to celebrate the Jewish New Year. I’ll be cooking and visiting my mom and going to services. I think about forgiveness and the Day of Atonement, that comes ten days after the Jewish New Year. Since this blog is called “Laugh with Me,” I won’t get too serious here.

This snippet takes up where last week’s left off. It’s still in Jay’s POV…

“Don’t worry about it. I’m going upstairs and tell Hugh Warner that…”
Lorrie looks me straight in the eye. “No. That’ll just make things worse. I’ll be okay.” She smiles, as if trying to convince herself, as well as me. “I should’ve seen the signs. Sometimes he really got on my nerves like if I cracked up over something you or Scotty said or if I sang too loud when I was at the condo. He hated it when I sang because he didn’t want the neighbors to hear. I may not have a voice like yours, but I am in the choir at church and I like to sing. And he said I couldn’t have a dog or a cat when we got married. Music and animals make me happy. Why wouldn’t Hugh want me to be happy?”

Snippet Sunday 9/6–Jay’s musical reference

This week’s snippet is from the updated version of my novella, “Mr. Tall, Tan…& Tasteless.” Hopefully, it, and my updated version of “Mr. Short, Dark…& Funny<” will be available on Amazon. As always, any feedback is much appreciated. This has been edited to fit the line limit.

I cuss her fiancé out under my breath and pull the van into an alley near the condo. I take a deep breath, counting to ten. “What?”
Me and my best friend, Scotty, have been looking after Lorrie since the day she was born. When Dad died, and then Mom a few years later, I’d had to take over. I’d worked extra jobs to make sure Lorrie went to beauty school like she wanted and I’d joined the army and gone to Iraq, then gotten married, and then divorced. I thought Lorrie would be the one who’d have a happy marriage soon, and Hugh could definitely give her a good life. I should have known better. Just when you think everything’s perfect, the conspiracy comes along and snows on your parade.
Lorrie’s sniffles have turned into full-blown sobs. “He was with somebody else named Claudette…
“Claudette was the name of Roy Orbison’s first wife.” I wrap my arms around Lorrie and hug her close. Why I’d made a musical reference just then, I have no idea.