Snippet Sunday-3/5-Oren’s POV

I am continuing with my WIP, “Yankee Doodle Sweetheart,” and I’ve skipped a couple of paragraphs. Now we’re in Oren, the hero’s, POV. It’s very raw and any feedback will be apppreciated.

The last person I expect to see in my sister’s diner on a Monday morning is Cilla Rayfield. We were so in love ten years ago. Sometimes it seemed like she was the only one who “got” me. She didn’t make fun of my dyslexia, and I smiled and indulged her when she wore high heels, even though she’s a klutz.

She’s wearing high heels today, too, gray ones. She walked into the diner, and she tripped, so now me and another guy are helping me to her feet.

I want to yell at her about wearing high heels, but I know better than to tell her what to do. I resist the urge to cuss at her for not getting in touch with me for ten years. After my visit to Boston ten years ago, I never heard from her again. With all today’s technology, SmartPhones and computers, I thought commnicating with me would be easy. Of course, Cilla doesn’t like technology. She says it’s moving too fast.

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13 responses to “Snippet Sunday-3/5-Oren’s POV

  1. I bet technology moves faster than she does in high heels!

  2. Love the mix of memories and present in this, and the mix of emotions as well.

  3. You’ve painted a nicely nuanced word picture of Cilla.

  4. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Fashion before technology. 🙂 Love the imagery you created of Cilla.

  5. I enjoyed the bit of background story. Well done.

  6. See, this is why I hardly ever wear high heels, people would always be picking me off the floor.

  7. Bummer on falling out of communication, especially with a connection like that. That would surely leave some emotional/mental scars. Great mix of past and present for backstory and explanation though.

    Putting on an editor’s hat, you’re second paragraph threw me for a second. Should one of the “me”s be a “her” instead at the end?

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