Snippet Sunday-3/12-More of Oren

More on Cilla and Oren’s story, “Yankee Doodle Sweetheart.” I’m taking up where I left off last week. Cilla fell on her way into Sach’s Dannville Diner. She was wearing high heels, and she’s a klutz. She’s rescued by Oren and a guy named Greg. I just wrote some of this today, so it’s very raw. Any feedback would be appreciated. I edited to adhere to the line limit.

Cilla’s staring at me and the other dude who helped me lift her up. I ask the same question Mr. Thinks-He’s-Oh-So-Cool had asked a moment ago. “Are you okay?”

She looks at me, and is a little more focused now. “I’m fine.” She asks a waitress for a cherry danish and a cup of coffee with sugar and heavy on the cream. “I have to go to work.”

Work? I haven’t seen or heard from her in ten years, and she wants to talk about her job? She explains that she had a job as a music therapist in Boston, but the school where she worked cut the budget, so she ended up in Dannville.

“Music therapy? That sounds like a job you’d love, although I don’t know if you still like music or not since you haven’t called me or written to me in ten years.” I sigh inwardly as the snarky comment escapes my lips.

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19 responses to “Snippet Sunday-3/12-More of Oren

  1. Well done filling the small post with so much info! As for me … I’ll be craving a cherry danish for the next few days 🙂

    • Thanks for reading, Iris. Glad you liked it–I might have to take cherry danish for the food day we’re having at work this week. But I’m also craving grilled cheese and tomato soup since that’s in the next chapter.

  2. I guess she’s used to tripping over.

  3. Can’t wait to hear her response to that last line!

  4. Interesting snippet, all sorts of emotional tension. Just a note, I’d be careful about using the phrase “Yankee Doodle Sweetheart,” since that’s a lyric from a George M. Cohan song.I don’t know if anyone owns the rights to the song nowadays though….but song lyrics can be tricky, as far as quoting them.

  5. That last line is so me. I can’t help but say exactly what I think. Great snippet.

  6. I can imagine an awkward pause after his last comment.

  7. I like the last line, too. 🙂

  8. Oops. I don’t think he should have said that. I wonder what Greg has to say, lol. Oren sounds so jealous.

  9. Gem

    So much for him trying to be cool. Me thinks he’s a bit put out that she didn’t pine away for him. lol

  10. Whoops… So much for holding his tongue! Can’t say I blame him though. I wonder how she’s going to respond since she seems to be brushing him off.

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