Continuing on with the next chapter of “Independence Day” — back to Cilla’s POV. I did some editing to fix the line length–any feedback is much appreciated. I hope to be finished with the story soon and ready to submit it for an anthology…
The day before my birthday is a Saturday, and Ana greets me with a present and pancakes she made. The oddly-shaped pancakes are topped with syrup and red, white and blue sprinkles. She sings “Happy Birthday” before presenting me with a small box. I open it and find sparkling, dangling earrings made of red, white and blue beads.
“Ana—they’re beautiful! But it’s not my birthday ’til tomorrow.”
Ana smiles and her big, brown eyes sparkle. “I know. I couldn’t wait!”
I try them on and decide to wear them tomorrow. I’m looking forward to the festival, but I remind myself to be careful not only about the high heels, but with my heart.
I smile at Ana across the breakfast table. When the doorbell rings, she jumps up to answer it and shouts out, “Grandpa!”
“Dad? Oh, my God!” I rush through the hall and embrace him as tight as I can. Ana finds her way into the circle and we both hug her, too. “What are you doing here?”
“Can’t your old man come to Colorado and wish you a happy birthday?”
That’s it for this week…I think Ana’s dad is trying to make amends.
Continuing on with last week’s snippet from my WIP, “Independence Day.” Finally got the title–it’s Independence Day for a lot of people–that’s the heroine’s birthday, her dad declares his independence from being a wimp after ten years and here is more of his phone conversation with the hero’s mother…
It’s a little long, but this is the end of the chapter. I’ve got one more chapter and the epilogue to go before it’s finished and ready to submit for an anthology. Any feedback would be appreciated.
“How could Cilla break up your family?” I point out. “We’ve kept them apart for ten years.”
“Oren moved to Colorado right after they started dating. He dropped out of college to be a musician.”
She says “musician” like Oren is a criminal or something. I know he’s dyslexic and always had trouble in school. I try to be strong for a change. “Did you ever think he moved and dropped out of college because of you?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Gregory! I always encouraged Oren, and your daughter ruined everything!”
“Cilla didn’t do anything except fall in love with your son. You tried to control him with your ‘encouragement’ like you did me…”
She ends the call before I can say more. I’m shaking. I can’t believe I sort of told her off. I drain the bottle of beer. The glass shatters as I throw it against the wall. Then I blast my music as loud as it will go, letting the Rolling Stones and the Animals help calm my anger. I wonder what in the hell I’m going to do now.
Still in Chapter Two but I’ve skipped some because I just wrote this and more (starting Ch 3) and would appreciate any feedback. It’s raw and has been edited to fit the line limit. It’s in Cilla’s dad’s POV and I hope it answers some questions…
“Good evening, Gregory.”
I knew Oren’s mom would call me. I take a beer from the fridge before confronting the Dragon Lady. Her cold tone indicates that she’s willing to take on anyone from Cinderella’s stepmother to Cruella DeVille to yours truly, Gregory M. Rayfield, king of loser dads and grandpas. Ten years ago, I’d made a deal with the devil, Lilah Matthews. I’d promised to help her keep Oren and Cilla apart in exchange for money for my daughter and granddaughter, as well as cash for the unpaid medical bills left after my wife passed away.
Except that Gregory M. Rayfield isn’t going to kowtow to Lilah Matthews anymore. This 4th of July, I plan to assert my independence. “Hello, Lilah.”
“Your daughter is back in Dannville, and she’s contacted my son. She’s the one who broke up my family, and I’ll be damned if I let her do that again.”