Snippet Sunday/8/30–New “Tasteless” prologue

Sorry I haven’t been around but I was busy working at the “job that ate my brain.” Haven’t done much writing, but have been going round and round about this prologue for the soon-to-be-updated “Mr. Tall, Tan…& Tasteless.” I think I’ve got it but I may end up deleting it if I decide it’s not needed. I like it, though. It’s short, written by a non POV character, and kind of funny.

Here are the first 8-10 lines (I think I went over). It’s very raw, but any feedback is appreciated…

“My life is over, Jay!”
My little sister, Lorrie, had asked me to pick her up at her fiance’s condo in the classy Elsaesser-Forde Building. As I made the short ride from Clifton to Hugh Warner’s condo, I’d worried about Lorrie’s call and why she didn’t think she could drive home by herself. Maybe she just didn’t want to be out with all the drunks on New Year’s Eve, but then, why had she gone to Hugh’s place at all?
Her brown hair is tousled and messy, and there are tears running down her cheeks. She has on her favorite navy blue and forest green Tartan plaid wool coat. She’s a shoe fanatic, but now isn’t the time to ask why she’d worn the impractical pair of beige high heels with bows on the coldest night of the year. I turn the heat up higher so she won’t freeze. Andy Williams is singing that it’s the most wonderful time of the year. From the look on Lorrie’s face as she cried, I knew that she didn’t think so.
“No, it’s not. You’ve got Hugh, and me and Scotty are…”
“I don’t have Hugh anymore. The engagement’s off. He cheated on me!”